This morning, as usual, my alarm rang it's soft little tune next to my head at 7:00am. Waking up, I silenced the alarm and stretched, enjoying what I imagined to be the last moments I had with the cool pillow beneath my cheek and the cozy flannel tight around my body... As I was about to yawn for the first time and propped my arm behind me to start the "getting up" process I heard it. A soft squeal of metal grinding against metal, and water rushing through pipes to splash against a porcelain tub in an echoing room. Defeated I let myself fall back against the hard mattress, kick my feet against the restraints of the suffocating blanket. Grr... Another 20 minutes of not being able to get anything done. I can't start my day without a shower! I turn to my alarm, and set it for 7:20 and rearrange myself, trying to recapture the comfort of a deep sleep.
I hear a blow dryer. A high pitched whir. The light pierces through the cracks in the door, obliterating the peaceful morning light that had so soothingly filled the room what seemed like moments earlier. I reach along the cool sheet to find the hard plastic of my alarm. Nothing. My hand continues to search, independent of my body or senses, for the phone. It slips under my pillow, further under my pillow. Oh, there it is. I look at the time, the bright light annoyingly chipper. My eyes won't focus. It looks like it says 8:40am... not 7:17am... wait. No. AGH! 8:40?! Without a second thought I propel myself out of my bed, and open the door to the harsh accosting light of the vanity. I automatically turn the sharp right to the bathroom. There it is. The culprit. How dare you? I have things to do today, too. The giant blonde says something "Goodmorning" maybe? I grumble an acknowledgement that might not even be actual words and turn away. I'm homeless... what is it that I should do first? Twenty minutes? Agh. I move through the living room that is a silent tomb to the roommate passed out on the couch. I glare. How can you not have a class? I step, barefoot, on the tiled kitchen floor, it's cool... and I feel crumbs under my feet. Of course. I open the refrigerator... nothing inside belongs to me... I shut it and turn in aimless circles. I look at the oven, 8:42, the microwave, 8:43. I walk back through the tomb, a clock reads 8:40. I make my way to the bathroom. The mammoth is still blocking me and relief.
"Kjirstin, I need to use the bathroom real quick." I use the proper name for this monstrosity; hating that I can't just push it out of the way, out of the bathroom, out of the apartment, out of my life.
"Yeah, sure, babe." It says in it's perky blonde voice. It turns off the hair dryer and moves as though to continue to use it plugged in through the bathroom door. I pull the black box from the wall.
"It came unplugged."
"Oh, okay, that's fine I'll just..." I shut the door. "use it out here."
Moments later, I've regrouped. I can do this. I tie my hair back in a semblance of respectability. A difficult task when I haven't showered yet that morning. I open the door. The Hun stands between me and my goal... clean teeth... As a matter of fact, the giant stands blocking like a lineman both of the vanity sinks, the drawer holding my make-up and face wash, and the toothpaste. I figure to avoid a long drawn out battle with the barbarian I'd be better off quietly finding my supplies without addressing this foreign Godzilla.
It says "excuse me."
Feeling more like a human with my warpaint, I walk through the living room. The corpse lays motionless. I forage for food and settle on apple butter toast and milk. Hey, the bread is mine, and the milk is fair game. The few moments I take in eating my breakfast does much for my damaged morning. I look at the clock. 8:55. I quickly move through the living room. I turn to go through the vanity. Again! Another clever assault as the viking is hunched in a crouching position ready to pounce directly in front of my bedroom door.
"Excuse me." I mumble as I squeeze through the narrow opening.
"Sorry." I shut the door.
In seconds I am properly outfitted to face the onslaught of danger. Backpack slung across my shoulders I open the door. This time the brutish beast is caught unawares and cannot thwart my escape. I slip into enemy territory, and discover a knight-ess in shining armor asleep in bed. I whisper.
"Dear, I'm going to be late for class. Can I get a ride?"
Moments later, on the trusty white steed we depart. I've successfully beaten my first foe of the day.