Even with this paper. Through five drafts and three different topics I know I was just trying to write something that would impress the other people with whom I work. I would take their input and their opinion of how I felt on a subject and write it as fact. This is what they want. This is how I can become their equal.
Defending myself against a loved one, telling him that I am not worried about pleasing him at this point in my life helped me to realize that now -- more than ever -- when I write this... I am writing it for me.